I used to hate cooking, but slowly over the past couple of months , I began to cook more and more for myself. I realized that when I was grabbing ingredients, chopping, mixing, and focusing on the preparation, it was meditative and I began to feel relaxed. This revelation was interesting, because being in the kitchen used to stress me out! So what happened? What changed?
I think I have slowed down altogether and re assessed my values. I have more appreciation for my health. I am the only person who can take care of me in the way that I know best. Nobody is going to do it for me.
I also feel more thankful for the food that I have. The ability to nourish myself well is a privilege that I don’t take for granted. So many people live with food insecurity and struggle to put food on the table for several reasons both outside of and within their control.
Eating has also been a reflection of my emotions for a very long time. Running to grab fast food when I was stressed out. Justifying my habits with exclamations like, “ I’m too busy to cook!”, or “At least I don’t smoke!” But that cycle of feeling like shit and grabbing shitty food or any harmful habit doesn’t lead to anything good. We all need help to make big changes!
It’s hard to break old habits, but I find that when I’m intentional about making positive changes, such as adding time to cook into my schedule, it gets done, and I feel much better for it.
Instead of grabbing shitty food when emotions are high, I try to express hard emotions in other ways that will allow me to process them such as journaling, speaking to a friend, exercise, listening to my favourite music, praying for help, or speaking to a therapist. There are other ways to regulate emotions.
What habits are you trying to break? If you have managed to get out of a harmful cycle, even for a day, because let’s face it, change takes time, how did you do it?
2 responses to “I used to hate cooking!”
Hi Michelle, congratulations on the beautiful meal! I totally agree that it is such a privilege to be adequately resourced (funds, time, space, etc.) so as to care for oneself. I struggle a lot with emotional eating and I’ve tried a lot of strategies to address that challenge. Unfortunately, nothing has worked for me but I have learned that trying to solve a problem (i.e., emotional eating) by preventing oneself from engaging in the problematic behaviour (i.e., not buying the foods I eat emotionally) isn’t going to work; it just makes you feel more scared and more stressed. I eat emotionally because it helps me manage my pain, and if I take away the food I actually feel even worse because now I have deprived myself of my only comfort and support. I still eat emotionally, but understanding that I do it as an act of self-care in the absence of anything else has ironically helped me moderate the habit in a more conscious and mindful way. I find that I can cope without it most days, and I also give myself permission to eat emotionally on bad days so that I’m not without any support at all. Somehow this feels more honest, and I feel like I can manage it for now with the hope of conditions improving for me in the future!
Thank you for your sharing this Mandy! I think it’s important for us to be patient and kind with ourselves when we are trying to change habits that don’t always serve us, and this is what you are doing. I’m glad that the mindset that emotional over eating as an act of self care helps to moderate it for you and that you have hope for continuous change in the future. It’s a very honest approach as well. Thanks so much for your comment! Emotional eating is a very common experience and we are definitely not alone in it! I wish you success. Often little ones add up and bring us closer to our ultimate goals.